1.Slap And Tickle
(difford／tilbrook)
She was frigid like a bible
When she met her boyfriend michael
He took her in his zephyr
They sat like salt and pepper
Looking out across the city
From lover's leap is pretty
The lights they flick and flutter
He told her how he loved her
Next night he called for her
But dad protected daughter
And told him she was poorly
A lie was told there surely
So michael felt rejected
This wasn't quite expected
He drove off to his local
Where he felt anti-social
She cried all night at missing
The boy she could be kissing
While he was falling over
He drunk himself back sober
And went home in a taxi
And crashed out in the back seat
He slept just like a baby
Which he hadn't done just lately
He saw her in the morning
Out with his sister pauline
She felt all shy and soppy
He acted cool and cocky
He said tonight at charlie's
There's going to be a party
I'll meet you at half seven
She visualised the heaven
If you ever change your mind
Which you do from time to time
Never chew a pickle
With a little slap and tickle
You have to throw the stone
To get the pool to ripple
That night they danced together
It looked like love forever
He put his hand on her leg
You should have heard what she said
He tried again much later
It seemed to aggravate her
He drove home in silence
Avoiding all violence
She said let's watch the city
From lover's leap is pretty
I think i need the fresh air
She put a comb through her hair
Then while she turned to kiss him
And very nearly missed him
She put her hand on his leg
He felt her tongue in his head
If you ever change your mind
Which you do from time to time
Never chew a pickle
With a little slap and tickle
You have to throw the stone
To get the pool to ripple
2.Revue
(difford／tilbrook)
Warning：these lyrics are unconfirmed and may be inaccurate. they
represent the best attempt at deciphering the song we have yet
to see.
You make-believe celebrities
Taking bows in front of me
In your dickey-bow ties
In your dickey-bow ties
Pick your nose beside the stage
Jesus christ has come of age
So you've had a good cry
So you've had a good cry
Reach out there's people in the stalls
A blackpool season isn't very small
Reading commercials on tv
Is just as good as a bad page 3 review
We all know it's so hard for you
Revue
We all know it's so hard for you
In the dressing room you find
Telegrams with good luck lines
So nice to be known
So nice to be known
The curtain falls so that's the end
You hit the bottle once again
So you've had a good crowd
So you're one of the crowd
Reach out there's people in the stalls
A blackpool season isn't very small
Reading commercials on tv
Is just as good as a bad page 3 review
We all know it's so hard for you
Revue
We all know it's so hard for you
Revue
We all know it's so hard for you
Revue
We all know it's so hard for you
3.Touching Me, Touching You
(difford／tilbrook)
Warning：these lyrics are unconfirmed and may be inaccurate. they
represent the best attempt at deciphering the song we have yet
to see.
I'm always touching myself
I've got nothing else to do
And when i'm touching myself
I'm always thinking of you
Touching me, touching you
I've got nothing else to do
Chorus
Touching, touching you
Touching, touching me
Here, there and in my hair
And when you touch me
I'm always playing around
Eyes closed, neatly occupied
And when i'm playing around
I think of all the things i like
Touching me, touching you
I've got nothing else to do
Chorus
4.It's Not Cricket
(difford／tilbrook)
Warning：these lyrics are unconfirmed and may be inaccurate. they
represent the best attempt at deciphering the song we have yet
to see.
She used to do a topless down at the surrey docks
With tassels on her whatsits she did a t'riffic job
Of raising all the eyebrows of every lunchtime mob
She went with all the tossers who kick about a ball
They say their club's the greatest, and she has kissed them all
At the arndale center, she's up against the wall
I can't name names cause that's not cricket
I can't name names that would put me in it
But that's another story in the finish
I saw them at the pictures a tangled heap of love
He had so many women, but only classy stuff
I saw him at the clinic, a pink card up his cuff
One holiday in bognor a stag night hit the town
The groom is in the car park with his trousers down
But that's another story that won't be going round
I can't name names cause that's not cricket
I can't name names that would put me in it
But that's another story in the finish
The deptford had a beano to southend for the night
With 40 crates of lager, to see the southend lights
The got home for their breakfast pissed out of their minds
This girl gave me the minces so i asked her for a dance
And in the death i kissed her and so i took a chance
And when i went to touch her, she tried to break my arm
I can't name names cause that's not cricket
I can't name names that would put me in it
But that's another story in the finish
5.It's So Dirty
(difford／tilbrook)
Warning：these lyrics are unconfirmed and may be inaccurate. they
represent the best attempt at deciphering the song we have yet
to see.
Well you'd better not tell i've had a good night
Me and this bird she's a bit of alright
Dancing to the sounds as the arches get searched
She is the business for a bit of old skirt
It's so dirty when it's in the right mood
Give it some brandy and some chinese food
Take her for a spin with your stereo jack
Tell her she's the best girl you've ever had
Give it some gold to put round its neck
Bet here old man puts you on the deck
But its so dirty with me - it so dirty with me
Its so dirty with me - its so dirty with me
Well you'd better watch out here comes a tornado
You'll end up looking like a mashed potato
If her old man gets word of what's going on here
You'll end up at the bottom of someone's next beer
Well i've got a bud ain't frightened by shooters
So lets have a drink for a couple of troopers
No her old man won't know i've been giving it some
Unless you tell him the news but we know that ain't done
6.The Knack
7.Hop, Skip And Jump
I wan't nervous when i got this date
I went along to investigate
She turned out to look like me ＊(see note)
I stood up and gave her the seat
I'm so infatuated
Seemed like its complicated
I was helpless and i was sober
She cracked her whip and knocked me over
She made me hop skip and jump
'm 'm 'm my baby's love
With a hop skip and jump
She's a pretty one
When you're sitting in you seat
With her hand on your knees
She makes you hop, skip and jump
She's got spice, she stops traffic
She's got her very special magic
I wasn't nervous, i was shaking
She needed no investigating
She made me hop skip and jump
'm 'm 'm my baby's love
With a hop skip and jump
She's a pretty one
When you're sitting in you seat
With her hand on your knees
She makes me
8.Up The Junction
(difford／tilbrook)
I never thought it would happen
With me and the girl from clapham
Out on a windy common
That night i ain't forgotten
When she dealt out the rations
With some or other passions
I said you are a lady
Perhaps she said i may be
We moved into a basement
With thoughts of our engagement
We stayed in by the telly
Although the room was smelly
We spent our time just kissing
The railway arms we're missing
But love had got us hooked up
And all our time it took up
I got a job with stanley
He said i'd come in handy
And started me on monday
So i had a bath on sunday
I worked eleven hours
And bought the girl some flowers
She said she'd seen a doctor
And nothing now could stop her
I worked all through the winter
The weather brass and bitter
I put away a tenner
Each week to make her better
And when the time was ready
We had to sell the telly
Late evenings by the fire
With little kicks inside her
This morning at 4：50
I took her rather nifty
Down to an incubator
Where thirty minutes later
She gave birth to a daughter
Within a year a walker
She looked just like her mother
If there could be another
And now she's two years older
Her mother's with a soldier
She left me when my drinking
Became a proper stinging
The devil came and took me
From bar to street to bookie
No more nights by the telly
No more nights nappies smelling
Alone here in the kitchen
I feel there's something missing
I'd beg for some forgiveness
But begging's not my business
And she won't write a letter
Although i always tell her
And so it's my assumption
I'm really up the junction
9.Hard To Find
(difford／tilbrook)
Warning：these lyrics are unconfirmed and may be inaccurate. they
represent the best attempt at deciphering the song we have yet
to see.
I tried to tie you to the bed saliva at my lips
I made it look so comfortable but could not feel to grip
Your eyelids flickered with surprise as suddenly you saw
Your hands and feet all bound and gagged and me out on the floor
It gets harder and hard so hard
It gets harder and hard so hard
It gets harder and hard so hard
It gets so hard
I tried to dance around the room in ballerina tights
With music from the valkyries and dimmers on my lights
You tapped your feet and said that i should take another twirl
You said that i would be so good if i was just a girl
I try to touch you with a song arouse you with some grapes
Enchant you with some lavender but this was my mistake
'cos you prefer to move around to play at postman's knock
I'd like to see your sails go up the face smile on your clock
10.Slightly Drunk
(difford／tilbrook)
Warning：these lyrics are unconfirmed and may be inaccurate. they
represent the best attempt at deciphering the song we have yet
to see.
Slightly drunk once again
All alone with my pen
I thought i'd write to you
How can i say how i feel ？
Falling down on a deal
This last night with you
Is it the cold that makes me shake？
I just hope that i'm awake
I say alright i knew
(i knew)
Chorus：
I was wrong you were right
(that's a line i cannot find)
I could not say goodbye
(to explain just why i lied)
Why's it always feel the same？
(slightly drunk what you said to me)
I'm in love once again
(can't fall in love without misery)
I'm pretty sad but so what？
I should be glad but i'm not
I'm confused once more
All tangled up in your love
Without it now so that's tough
My heart cries for
A little talk to anger me
Out on the road especially
Back to you once more
(once more)
Chorus
Slightly drunk once again
All alone without friends
Had it all, i know i lied
All my ends seem untied
I cannot say how i feel
11.Goodbye Girl
i met her in a poolroom
Her name i didn't catch
She looked like something special
The kind who'd understand
The room was almost spinning
She pulled another smile
She had the grace like pleasure
She had a certain style
Sunlight on the lino
Woke me with a shake
I looked around to find her but she'd gone
Goodbye girl
Goodbye girl
Goodbye girl
She took me to her motel
The room on the second floor
A kettle and two coffees
Her number on the door
She said i hardly know you
Agreed we kissed goodnight
I knew that in the morning
Somehow i'd wake to find
Sunlight on the lino
Woke me with a shake
I looked around to find her but she'd gone
Goodbye girl
Goodbye girl
Goodbye girl
I lost my silver bracelet
My clubroom locker keys
The money in the billfold
It doesn't bother me
My wife has moved to boston
So luck is not the word
If you ever see her
Say hello goodbye girl
Sunlight on the lino
Woke me with a shake
I looked around to find her but she'd gone
Goodbye girl
Goodbye girl
Goodbye girl
Goodbye girl
Goodbye girl
Goodbye girl
Goodbye girl
12.Cool For Cats
(difford／tilbrook)
The indians send signals
From the rocks above the pass
The cowboys take positions
In the bushes and the grass
The squaw is with the corporal
She is tied against the tree
She doesn't mind the language
It's the beating she don't need
She lets loose all the horses
When the corporal is asleep
And he wakes to find the fire's dead
And arrows in his hats
And davy crockett rides around
And says it's cool for cats
The sweeney's doing ninety
'cos they've got the word to go
They get a gang of villains
In a shed up at heathrow
They're counting out the fivers
When the handcuffs lock again
In and out of wandsworth
With the numbers on their names
It's funny how their missus'
Always look the bleeding same
And meanwhile at the station
There's a couple of likely lads
Who swear like how's your father
And they're very cool for cats
They're cool for cats
To change the mood a little
I've been posing down the pub
On seeing my reflection
I'm looking slightly rough
I fancy this, i fancy that
I wanna be so flash
I give a little muscle
And i spend a little cash
But all i get is bitter and a nasty little rash
And by the time i'm sober
I've forgotten what i've had
And ev'rybody tells me that it's cool to be a cat
Cool for cats
Shake up at the disco
And i think i've got a pull
I ask her lots of questions
And she hangs on to the wall
I kiss her for the first time
And then i take her home
I'm invited in for coffee
And i give the dog a bone
She likes to go to discos
But she's never on her own
I said i'll see you later
And i give her some old chat
But it's not like that on the tv
When it's cool for cats
It's cool for cats
13.I Must Go
(difford／tilbrook)
Warning：these lyrics are unconfirmed and may be inaccurate. they
represent the best attempt at deciphering the song we have yet
to see.
The flag flaps in the wind
It looks like rain again
And the tractor drives across a field
The jetty's so high and then
In moscow it's 3：15, in new york let's see a show
And here it's cold too cold for me
I must go (why must you go？)
I must go (if you must you must)
Why must you say goodbye when you could say hello？
The clouds burst into storm
The deer run into the trees
And the farmer drives across the field
He looks as though he's pleased
In moscow it's 3：15, in new york let's see a show
And here it's cold too cold for me
I must go (why must you go？)
I must go (if you must you must)
Why must you say goodbye when you could say hello？
The path waits in my mind
The circus passes me by
And the tractor has stopped in a field
My heart commits a crime
In moscow it's 3：15, in new york let's see a show
And here it's cold too cold for me
I must go (why must you go？)
I must go (if you must you must)
Why must you say goodbye when you could say hello？
14.Ain't It Sad
No cameras, no lights, no stars in my eyes
And no way of getting through to you
No writing, nor call with a two-time tart
And no way to make a dream come true
Walking up the street, take a hold of my hand
Its just a postcard of the place i knew
Because ain't you sad girl, ain't it sad
Ain't you sad girl, ain't it sad
Funny little things i thought i never had
No afternoon cafe(？), missing english and math
And off to the slammin' summer coast
No waiter, no tips no movies, no scripts
And no way of getting into my post
Riding up the street take a hold of my wheel
Its just a life time and i make the most
Because ain't you sad girl, ain't it sad
Ain't you sad girl, ain't it sad
Funny little things i thought i never had
Because ain't you sad girl, ain't it sad
Ain't you sad girl, ain't it sad
Funny little things i thought i never had
No walking down the beach, no girls left to speak
And no time to mess around with a kiss
No wlaking her home, when she is feeling alone
And no time to get her under the peir
Running up the steets, you can catch us if you can
This is my lifetime and i will not fear
Because ain't you sad girl, ain't it sad
Ain't you sad girl, ain't it sad
Funny little things i thought i never had
Funny little things i thought i never had
Funny little things i thought i never had
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